Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
