return my video game
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
