I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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