dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
