worst night to have a conscience
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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