The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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