I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
