we're blogging at a bar
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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