Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize