Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
