He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
