she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
