Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
