living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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