R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
