I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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