how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
