We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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