So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
