his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
