Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize