I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
