ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
