At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize