I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
