so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
