I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
