I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize