I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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