When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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