i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
