i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
