something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
