Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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