Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
