swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
