new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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