I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
