If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
