Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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