Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
