Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
