I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
