So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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