Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
