He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
