You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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