Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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