oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
