He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
