you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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