what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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