Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize