Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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