i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
