Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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