i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
