Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
