I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
