I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And then he peed in my hair
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
