Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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