we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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