Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
