I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
