Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this just has baby written all over it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
