Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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