when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
