The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
