Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
