so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cut my penus on the lid.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
