You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
