and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize