i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
