Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
