i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
