Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
