He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
