Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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