Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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