I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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