Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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