Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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