You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
